please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
