Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
