he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
