this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
