my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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