It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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