woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
