I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
