i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
