That's when you crack a 10am beer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
