From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
