there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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