okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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