I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
