we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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