I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
