conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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