You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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