The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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