i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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