I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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