Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
