I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
