The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
