There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
