i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
