Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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