Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
