Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
