the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
