I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
