I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
