Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
