TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
