Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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