just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
