I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
