I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
