Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
third nipple confirmed
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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