the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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