We talked him into tasing himself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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