dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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