Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
