Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
