Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
