Already got asked if we're dating
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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