We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize