Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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