had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
