Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
