would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
