I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
