Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
