I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
that is very illegal...i love you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
