It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
