My room smells like vodka and shame
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
