but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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