why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
