The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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