My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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