I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to make out with him forever
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
