i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
