he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
