Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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