doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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