Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
