gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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