My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
