just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
