Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
