Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
