i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
