i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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