Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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