Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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