apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
