Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
