Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
