So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
