it was like eating out sand paper
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
