We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
