Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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