someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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