I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
